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As Christians we speak and hear a lot about unconditional love. But what is it? And is it really such a great thing? Merriam-Webster’s dictionary defines unconditional as “not conditional or limited” so from that we can define unconditional love as a love that is unlimited in its grasp and not dependent on the recipient meeting any qualifying factors. So, we’ve got our textbook definition, but what does it mean to us, as normal everyday busy people? And, for the topic of this entry, what impact will it have on our relations with our spouses and others in our circle of friends, family, and co-workers?

I’m sure most if not all of us have been told of God’s unconditional love. We’ve probably heard several sermons at church over the years of how God loves us no matter what we’ve done in the past or what we will do in the future. One of the most often quote verses of scripture is John 3:16 which says:

For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.

There it is again. Love. Love so strong that He, God, sent His son, Jesus, to earth with the primary intention of Jesus becoming the sacrifice for our sins (past, present, and future) so that we could have a relationship with God and so that when we die we can be raised up to heaven. Now, I veered a little off course here, but I felt I needed to lay down a little groundwork.

So, even though He knows all our faults and idiosyncrasies, God still chose to send His son to die on our behalf. But here, we get upset if our spouse leaves the toilet seat up or forgets to record a check or whatever.

In order for us to love unconditionally we must know what love is. We must know the qualities of love, the dimensions of it. So, in turning to the scriptures we find the following in 1 Corinthians 13 (New International Version)

⁴Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. ⁵It is not rude, it is not selfseeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. ⁶Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. ⁷It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

The first couple of qualities mentioned there seem pretty simple, but we tend to over look them. So lets go through them individually.

• Love is patient Slow down, don’t always be in a rush. Not just physically rushing, but also, don’t rush change. Don’t expect things to happen overnight. Life is full of processes and processes take time.
• Love is kind Be nice. Say nice things to people. Don’t be negative all the time. Smile often.
• It does not envy If a friend or coworker gets a promotion, the next thing through your mind should not be a question as to why nothing good happens to you. Be happy for that person. When you see someone driving down the road in a new car while you’re stranded on the roadside with a blown engine, be happy for that person in the car. For when you are constantly envious of others you limit yourself to what they have. God very well may have bigger plans for you, if you’ll just walk with Him.
• it does not boast Have you ever been around someone who is always bragging about something? I’ve got a relative who, no matter what’s going on, he’s got a story of something better,worse, funnier, whatever. You can’t carry on a conversation with him because everything is tit for tat. As a result, few people care to be around him. As he’s getting older now he’s finding himself more and more isolated because of his behavior
• it is not proud How many times have you felt the urge to apologize for something but didn’t (or delayed doing it) because of pride? Many people have divorced over the years because one or the other were too proud to admit they’d made a mistake. Accept the fact that we, as humans, are going to fail and that God will forgive us and help restore us. Then, be quick to admit error, whether to God or to man. This will help in sustaining your marriage or any other relationships you may have.
• It is not rude This one is easily overlooked. We all know what it means to be rude and can probably list several examples of it. But there’s more to it than just acting in an offensive manner. Rude is also defined as lacking refinement or delicacy: IGNORANT, UNLEARNED thus many times we are rude because we don’t know any better. Love is not this way, love will go out of it’s way to learn new customs and ways to ensure that it doesn’t offend anyone.
• it is not selfseeking Another translation puts it like this Love does not demand its own way (NLT) This is a problem here in the USA. We’re so wrapped up in our ‘rights’ that we always want to exercise them. We yell that we’ve got a right to be happy so we file for a divorce instead of working things out. Well, love doesn’t demand it’s own way. Love isn’t hung up on ‘rights.’
• it is not easily angered “But you don’t understand what she did. You don’t see what happened last night. I came in from a hard day at work and she…” It doesn’t matter. Calm down. Think things through.
• it keeps no record of wrongs The last time you and your spouse got into an argument how many mistakes were mentioned that happened more than a month ago? more than a year ago? You see, people like to hold on to old hurts. You can’t do this. You can’t keep track of all the past pains. It’s time to let them go. Time to get rid of the extra baggage you’re carrying. Not sure how? It’s simple. Sit down with a pen and paper and write down all the hurts that you’ve been holding on to. You don’t need a whole story on each one, just a one line description will work, God knows what you’re talking about. When you’re finished with it, take the sheet of paper (or sheets of paper, if need be) in hand and start praying. Ask God for the strength to forgive. And then go down the list and verbally pray something like
  

  “Lord, I forgive Jane for that comment she made to me the other day, I forgive Dan for busting the windshield out of my car, I forgive whoever it was that broke into my house and stole my great-grandmothers pearl necklace. Father, I make a conscience decision to turn these hurts over to you and I will dwell on them no more. I forgive them.” Then you take the paper and tear it up and throw it in the trash.

  Sound too simple? It’s not. But it will take work, for the very next time you see one of the people on that list the devil will try to bring back some of the pain or hurt feelings. But it’s up to you. You can allow it, or you can remember your decision to be free from all of it.

• Love does not delight in evil How many times have you seen something bad happen to someone you didn’t like and you found it funny? I’ve been there. Someone at work gives you hard time about something, then a few days later they’re in a car wreck, or they get fired or something and we say something like “Serves them right!” That’s not love. That’s carnal nature. If we are walking in love, we wouldn’t feel like that. We’d be moved to go and speak with the person or find some way to help out.
• but rejoices with the truth. Often times we try to hide things. We don’t like the truth because many times, it makes us look bad. But love can’t exist with lies, there is no compatibility there.
• It always protects Love will go out of it’s way to protect people. Love will die if that’s what’s required to protect
• always trusts These days people have become quite cynical and don’t seem to trust anyone, even their spouses. Love doesn’t work that way. Love trusts others.
• always hopes Hope is not wishful thinking. Hope is something far greater. Hope is what keeps us going when everything around us is failing. Love always hopes for the best and hopes for a better tomorrow.
• always perseveres I know at times life gets tough. But love will persevere. It will not give up. It will not contemplate suicide or divorce or murder. Love knows no end. It is eternal in its design and will not stop or take a break just because our spouse cheated on us or because our child can’t kick a drug habit. Love is there and it will go through anything in it’s path.

In closing I would like to say that this is an ongoing study of mine. As I learn more I’m likely to make some more posts on the topic. If you disagree with anything here, feel free to comment, but I ask that you do so in love and with scripture references. And remember ‘And now abide faith, hope, love, these three; but the greatest of these is love. (1 Corinthians 13:13 NKJV)