weissblog

I’m no poet or writer. But I was thinking, it’d be sorta cool to show the conversation between a man’s heart and mind when he’s contemplating divorce. If nothing else, maybe writing it will have a bit of a therapeutic effect for me.

I miss her

I know. But I don’t.

Not any?

Well, I miss having a friend I can talk to; someone to confide in. But I have other friends. She sucked at it anyway.

I still want her to come back.

I don’t think that is going to happen.

I refuse to give up hope.

That’s fine. But we’ve already set an ending date. You agreed.

I know. And each day that date gets closer and I grow more afraid that she won’t come back before you make me go through with it.

It’s for the best.

That’s easy for you to say, you wanted this.

You’re right, I did. And I’m trying to enjoy it, if you’d let me. Finally have the chance to do things the right way. Finally have the chance to do something for us.

You sound like her. Are we becoming selfish too?

No, because we still put the kids and others first. But we will take time for ourselves now. It’s been a long time since I’ve felt like it was ok to be me. Why do you want her back so bad anyway? She’s hurt you so many times.

You know why. You know how much I love her.

I know that you do. I fail to comprehend how much. But I also know that you love the girls. Hasn’t she hurt them enough. Why allow her to get close enough to hurt them more.

Because of love.

Now who’s being selfish? We must protect our own. We should have already done this. The time draws near, you must let go.

No, I’m not able to. I’m not sure I’ll ever be able to.

Then how will we move on? How can we be happy if we’re warring within our self?

I don’t know. Give me more time to figure this out.

The time has been set.

Then all we can do is wait.

And let go.

No. Not yet. Hope has not died.

 EDIT: The day after I wrote this, all hope died. I think part of me did as well.

Since high school I’ve wanted a certain, rather large tattoo on my back. But I was told, repeatedly by many, that I should keep my first tattoo to a reasonable size. So, some years back I started trying to come up with a less grandiose idea for a tattoo. About three and a half years ago I started toying with the idea of getting one symbolizing one of my favorite Bible verses (1 Cor. 13:13). But I never could figure out how I wanted to symbolize that verse. Everything I came up with was either too common or too feminine.

So, over the years, I’d think about it here and there but never really made much progress. Then, about three weeks ago, I was doing some more research, looking for different symbols for faith, hope, and love. After looking at various oriental characters for those words, and the original language used in that section of the Bible, and the Latin translation, and all sorts of other stuff, I came across some designs using an anchor to represent hope. I had never seen that as a symbol for hope before. And that sent me in a new direction… where I found more girly drawings of an anchor, cross, and heart merged into one item. So I finally quit and went about other things that morning. About 15 minutes later, while praying about something that had nothing to do with tattoos, an idea popped into my head (and if your offended because I think it was from God, tough. go pray). I hurriedly sketched out the idea, in a very rudimentary way (an artist I am not).

About a week later I went by a tattoo shop up the road and ran my idea past a guy. He wasn’t getting it so I sketched it out for him and I could tell the light clicked on. He worked up some sketches and I went by earlier this week to take and look and approve of the design. And last night, August 18, 2011, I went in and got my first tattoo on my right arm. Here it is:

photo taken < 5 minutes after being finished

In closing I just want to say, if you don’t like it… tough. I didn’t do it for you. And if you do like it, thank you very much. I appreciate the support. But I didn’t do it for you either. LOL

EDIT:
For those who asked, I went to Texas Finest Tattoos & Piercings on the corner of Nacogdoches and Higgens. Ask for Lil Man.

Came across this quote/poem/whatever tonight and it seems to fit perfectly:

I’m not going to stress over you anymore. It isn’t worth it.
I tried to work something out but you just ignored it.
I’m not trying to say I don’t want you, because I definitely do.
All I’m saying is I’m done chasing after you.
-unknown

And to all, a good night.

-jcw

I came across an article on the CNN Money site with tips for advancing your career. They give five methods for doing so: Make a lateral move,  Solve the boss’s problem, Hone your soft skills, Capitalize on change, and Build the right skills. You can go read the article for their explanations of these methods.

What caught my attention was more the order of things. To me, most of these items are related. And, while I understand that being written for Money it needed to be business related, I feel that the whole list could be simplified to one rule and that rule applies to life in general. So bear with me and I’ll try to share my point of view on this. Read the rest of this entry »